


Four Times Thor Tried to Ask Bruce Out (and the time "he" finally does)

by Masonjar191



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Asking Out, M/M, Not Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Compliant, Not Captain America: Civil War (Movie) Compliant, Post-Thor: Ragnarok (2017), all the avengers are happy, everyone ships thorbruce, he asks for everyone's help, loki is a little shit, loki just wants them to get together already, thor wants to ask bruce out but he's clueless
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-28
Updated: 2020-03-28
Packaged: 2021-02-28 22:00:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,749
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23354320
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Masonjar191/pseuds/Masonjar191
Summary: Thor wants to ask bruce out but he has trouble articulating his thoughts. Loki, Korg, and Tony offer to help
Relationships: Bruce Banner & Tony Stark, Bruce Banner/Thor, Korg of Krona & Thor, Loki & Thor (Marvel), no thorki here, they soft brothers
Kudos: 88





	Four Times Thor Tried to Ask Bruce Out (and the time "he" finally does)

**Author's Note:**

> thank you to the mcu hq discord https://discord.gg/BRJ3s5

Attempt 1

Thor was rining his fingers endlessly as he thought out exactly what he wanted to say. "Banner, I am in love with you, will you be my beloved?" Simple, hopefully effective. He had wooed many in his day, from beautiful young ladies to dashing knights and fierce warriors. But, how would he ask out the anxious, disastrous-if-angered scientist? He had never crushed on such a person before, much less asked one on a date. 

He repeated the question over in his head as he walked to Banner's lab. Surely, he wouldn't fuck this up. Surely, this would work! 

"Banner?" he called as the elevators opened on the lab. He could see the curly-haired man writing an equation on one of the many chalkboards, many cups of coffee in various states of fullness on the tables. 

"Thor, hi! I'm just working on a new theory of mine regarding Einstein-Rosen Bridges, after our adventure on Sakaar I have some adjustments to the theory I would like to implement," Bruce explained, wiping a thin layer of sweat from his brow. "Why'd you come down to see me?"

_Breathe, Thor. Just spit it out._ "I, uh, you look like a cow!" _Cows are so cute, like Banner! Not exactly what I wanted to say, but it'll get the point across..._

"Excuse me? What the fuck did you just say to me?" Bruce spun around with a look of annoyance on his face. _shit shit shit shit_

"I said you look like a cow!" Thor beamed. 

"Uh, thanks, I guess? I hope that was a compliment..." Bruce muttered, returning to the equation. "What the fuck does that mean?"

Thor quickly left, seeing that there was a cultural language barrier in his metaphor. His face was practically beet red as he returned to his quarters to rethink his plan. 

"Brother, how are you this fine day?" asked Thor, attacking Loki into a hug. Loki yelped at the action, pushing his older brother off of him and smoothing his shirt.

"You asshole, I just ironed this! What the hell do you want? You only ever hug me when you want anything." Loki glanced up at the blond, crossing his arms in mock offense. 

"I do not! I just wanted to say hello!" Thor smiled, the fake way he did when he was _most definitely scheming_. 'Oh no,' Loki thought bitterly. The last time Thor had an idea, they had gone to Earth to pick up Odin, and had wound up on Sakaar and ended up destroying their home planet. 

"Well, hello, Thor. And Goodbye!" Loki turned to continue his journey to the library when Thor stopped him. "Ugh!"

"Can I ask you something?" Thor asked, not quite meeting his brother's eyes as he said so. 

"Let me guess, you want me to help you ask the scientist out? Well, you are in luck, I'm tired of you pining after him endlessly. But you owe me, brother." Thor looked at him with surprise. "It's obvious to anyone with eyes you fancy him. And ears, you're always repeating that you wish to court him. Especially in your sleep. It's a wonder he hasn't heard you, every other resident in this Tower can."

"I do not pine, I am a King!"

"Yes, yes, whatever. Have you tried asking him out?" Loki questioned. 

"I told him he looks like a cow!"

Loki face-palmed. "And why in Odin's name did you do that? Most Midgardians don't like being compared to livestock!" _More like most people._

"He is adorable, just like a newly born calf!" Thor beamed. 

_Lord give me strength._ "Thor, you are, frankly, a disaster bisexual. Damn, I did not believe you could get thicker." Loki took a deep breath. "You do not just want my help, you _need_ my help. How about this, I will be Banner and you be you? Say something to flirt with me, and not that fucking horrible line or I swear to Odin I will use my magic to glue your mouth shut for a month."

Thor wrinkled his nose. "I would never tell you what I wish to tell Banner!"

Loki slapped his brother. Thor winced, the action leaving a bright red mark on his cheek. "Just do it, you want my help, do you not?" 

Attempt 2

Loki's advice to woo Bruce did not end particularly well, either. Loki recommended that Thor read him a sonnet from the works of Shakespeare. Thor chose the first one he came across, which happened to be sonnet 130. 

_My mistress' eyes are nothing like the sun;_

_Coral is far more red than her lips' red;_

_If snow be white, why then her breasts are dun;_

_If hairs be wires, black wires grow on her head._

_I have seen roses damasked, red and white,_

_But no such roses see I in her cheeks;_

_And in some perfumes is there more delight_

_Than in the breath that from my mistress reeks._

_I love to hear her speak, yet well I know_

_That music hath a far more pleasing sound;_

_I grant I never saw a goddess go;_

_My mistress, when she walks, treads on the ground._

_And yet, by heaven, I think my love as rare_

_As any she belied with false compare._

Bruce ended up thinking he was talking about a girlfriend of his, due to the poem's use of the "she" pronoun. When Loki found out, he stabbed Thor in the stomach with one of the many blades in Stark Tower's weapons room. Bruce ended up treating the wound with stitches. Thor decided not to ask for Loki's help on that issue anymore. 

***

"I told you to read a sonnet!"

"But brother I did! He did not like it!"

Loki looked on in disbelief. Then it dawned on him. "Which sonnet did you read to Banner?"

Thor recited it to Loki, which of course led to Loki pulling him to the weapons room. "You were supposed to read a romantic one! Why not

_Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day?_

_Thou art more lovely and more temperate:_

_Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May,_

_And summer’s lease hath all too short a date;_

_Sometime too hot the eye of heaven shines,_

_And often is his gold complexion dimm'd;_

_And every fair from fair sometime declines,_

_By chance or nature’s changing course untrimm'd;_

_But thy eternal summer shall not fade,_

_Nor lose possession of that fair thou ow’st;_

_Nor shall death brag thou wander’st in his shade,_

_When in eternal lines to time thou grow’st:_

_So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,_

_So long lives this, and this gives life to thee."_

_"_ Oh," was all Thor said before he felt the knife penetrate his skin. 

Attempt 3

Once Thor was patched up from the Loki-wound, he tried asking around the tower. Korg agreed to help "the Lord of Thunder", after all, Thor had saved him from having to fight in the arena anymore. 

"Hey, man, I'll help ya!" said the rock creature. "Wooing Banner, eh? How about you tell him a cool fact about something he likes? that'll show you're smart and then he'll ask you out!"

Thor noticed that Banner loved coffee, so he spent hours looking up fun facts about the drink he oh-so-loved. 

"Here to recite another terrible poem, Thor? If so, please hide from your brother, I do not want to dress another knife wound this week. First Clint, now you, y'all are going to fucking drive me insane!"

"W-what, no! I wanted to tell you a cool fact I learned!"

Banner looked surprised. "Oh, really? Well, my ears are open, my good friend!"

Thor smiled. "Did you know that the world's most expensive coffee comes from the shit of cats?" 

Bruce blinked. And again. And once more. _How the hell does he know that?_ Thor stood expectantly for Bruce to drop down and ask him out. "That all? You Asgardians are freaky, man!"

Thor frowned and sulked away. Never trusting Korg for relationship advice. He thought that fact was really cool. 

Attempt 4

Thor was pacing around the kitchen. There had to be some way to get Banner to like him!

"Woah, Point Break, you okay? Encounter some freaky alien shit again? Or are we just out of pop tarts?" Tony called, holding an empty mug. "Banner told me about the shit coffee story, you really freaked him out!"

"Stark, I don't know what to do, I like Banner but he won't respond to my attempts at flirting!" Thor grumbled. 

" _That_ was flirting? Christ let's, never hope Loki tries flirting with me. Okay, what did you try?"

Thor listed the various failures he had encountered over the past few days. Tony winced. 

"Alright, you need the work of Tony " _The Love Guru"_ Stark. 

"Hey Bruce, Point Break wants to fuck you!" yelled Tony from across the lab. 

"What the fuck!" responded Banner. 

Attempt 5

Loki snuck down to the lab after every sane Avenger had gone to bed. HE was going to et his loaf of a brother a boyfriend if it was the last thing he did. He shapeshifted into Thor before waltzing into Banner's lab. He was leaning over several sheets of paper, hands slightly green, whispering profanity as he tried to find what he was looking for within the text printed on them. 

"The sun's getting real low," Loki whispered, rubbing Banner's back. The green faded and Bruce turned around to face Loki. "Thor, thanks! D'ya think you can help me make sense of it without spouting some weird shit about, well, shit?"

Loki found what Bruce was looking for after very little instruction. "Man, you're amazing! I swear I could kiss you!" Bruce smiled. 

"Alright, then." Loki leaned in and pecked the scientist's lips. "I've been wanting to do this for ages," he said, trying to mimic Thor as best he could. 

"Y-you have? Is that why you've been so fucking weird around me? Was Tony not just drunk when he said you wanted to throw me over a table and fuck me?"

Damn Midgardians. Damn Stark and his filthy mouth. "Of course, Banner, I love you!"

Loki woke Thor up later that night and told him he was now dating Bruce. "You dick!" Thor yelled as he threw his bedside lamp at his brother, but it only flew through him. Thor heard Loki laughing in the room next door. "Thank you, brother, but never kiss my boyfriend again!"


End file.
